The ‘intention’

I embarked my journey to climb the lofty hill .Just didn’t know how high it was. It was a mission I set for myself,to reach the top of the cliff and experience the aroma of the heights. Hence I continued to climb the hill taking a step at a time. The path that lay ahead of me seemed clear enough to aid me reach the top. But it wasn’t the path that was clear, I realized it was my vision that was unclear. I could see serenity in my immediate path but I forgot to understand that there were horrendous things that lay ahead from which my vision was blocked.  Blinded from the hidden, I was climbing the hill continuously with the hope of reaching the top.

But unexpected the outcome was  when I saw hurdles in my path a little further. I thought they would not last long, hence I crossed a hurdle at a time, only to find that there were more waiting for me. I never lost hope though. Encountering every impediment that came my way, I went there, right up the cliff reaching the destination of my dreams. As happy as I was I forgot that I had  a weakness. I failed again, to understand that my eyes show nothing but a picture of deceit. Just when I was looking down the cliff to show my eyes the beauty it has never encountered before,I forgot that the exquisiteness of what lie beneath was blocking my inner sight. I  felt something was wrong and looked back, and then….. I was pushed down the cliff. I fell from the heights of deceit, never praying for a chance to live again.

The cliff was him. I was trying endlessly to reach his heart , just the way I was trying to reach the top of the cliff. Encountering every hurdle he put my way. I fought my way through darkness and rift, through tears and ambiguity, just with the hope of reaching his expectations one day.

The clear path leading me to the top were his fake promises getting lured by which I started walking fast, expecting more of those (unintentional) promises from him. When my pace increased he realized that he had to slow me down, and there came the hurdles, one by one in the form of his tantrums. He didn’t know then, that my love for him was so firm that those hurdles gave me nothing but more strength to fight my way to him.

Undoubtedly, I reached the top and encountered his heart…That’s when he smiled, making me feel victorious. Period. His smile was just another rattrap to lead me into agreeing to his atrocious demands. Just when I thought I came so far to win his heart, just when I thought his smile meant a commitment for life, he shut the rattrap, he threw me off the cliff.

I realized then, that I failed to understand his intentions right from the start. No one could have mastered the art of hiding  behind a curtain of pretense the way he did. He pulled me to the top only to get a chance to throw me further down. I must say, he did pretty well. I never got to get myself together again. I lay there, in the midst of a never ending stream of agony. And so the girl who loved the heights feared to climb the stairs.

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